Lucy made me go to places I never would have gone without her. What would have been a boring walk in the park for me became a new adventure for me watching what interested her. Watching her joy running in a place like this brought me more joy than I ever would have known before.
Enthusiasm was always Lucy’s way. Nothing gave her more joy than seeing me happy.
To me, Lucy was more than a dog. She was not my companion on our adventures. She was not always obedient. She was not always happy with my behavior. She never seemed to be satisfied, she always wanted more. More for me, more for us, and more out of life. More than anything else, she was my partner. That is right, partner. We butted heads, we disagreed, we negotiated and compromised so much that eventually, we knew each other inside and out. She knew if I did not do it, I couldn’t do it. At the time of this picture, she hated looking at the camera. I was laughing at my unsuccessful attempts
“Meanwhile, I was still leaving her in the cage every day. Every dog owner/expert said they get used to it. I had to keep anything I valued out of her reach from the cage. Then I had to secure the cage to keep her from sliding it to something she could grab and destroy. She got to the corner of my glorious chaise lounge and tore it. All the while she continued her determined efforts to make a break in the cage that would allow her to escape.
Finally, I came home one day to find the cage literally destroyed. Two weeks was all it took for her to destroy it. It was a pile of metal, stacked in the middle of the trailer. On top of that, once again, she seemed to be quite proud of herself. She was bouncing around with a look that said, “aren’t you proud of me”, “look at me, I got out!”. It was impossible for me to be mad at her, and I was not sure it would work if I did get mad.
I could not help but be proud of her that she had broken through. She was not here to be pinned up. Locked away from bringing joy to others was not her calling.”
Lucy would give her best effort to win someone over, but eventually, she would just let them be. She was a great comforter, but some people don’t want to be comforted, they just want to be mad. Gotta move on from those people.
It was one year ago today that I was told Lucy’s kidneys had, in my words, failed. I was devastated. Even though I knew this day was coming, I did not know how I would react. I even used to tell people that if I thought she would be taken care of, I would rather go first. I did not know how I would react to it. In Victor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he spoke often of love, and how it transcends the physical. The love I have for Lucy transcends many planes of thought, and I know she loved and knew me the same way.
In a recent comment, which I initially disregarded, it was inferred that my dog had me wrapped around her paw. The person read the book and loved it, but I did not get the meaning of our relationship across. This is why I will do a rewrite. Lucy loved me, and I loved her. It was never about who was the Alpha. She got her way sometime, and I got my way sometime. It was all a happily done exercise in give and take. Lucy figured out my motives. I was ridiculed in her later years because she would not always come when called. But she already knew that I was goaded into calling for her, and she wanted to let me know that she would not participate with someone who was just being a jerk, calling me out to prove something that she and I knew. If it was important, she did it. If it wasn’t she didn’t. Trust and respect were the core of our relationship, and that is why I will always love her..
First of all, thanks to everyone who bought the book and read it. I especially want to thank all those who had comments, questions, and feedback for me.
Writing the book was a great purge for me in getting the facts, as I saw them, out in public. I did not write the book expecting a bestseller. It was a year ago this month that I was told Lucy had two months. I began a grief process, and only recently have I been able to clearly look at the book.
As I started going over the book again, I realize the deficiencies in the book made it difficult to completely understand, and the writing left many open holes for a wide variety of interpretations. I will do a rewrite, I will try to find a professional editor, and I might try to take it to a publisher. In its present state, I don’t think it is worth promoting.
One person was surprised that a short story in the book was about a real person. Their reaction to my giving the name of the person referenced was one of cognitive dissonance. I had no desire to make anything up. I took notes throughout my time with Lucy, and the book is a collection of those notes. Another felt I did not go into depth about my philosophy, and I agree. I didn’t explain myself well enough. Someone said it was full of anger, but I only got mad once during the whole time I had Lucy. No matter, I will rewrite it.
I can see my formatting mistakes, my disorganization of the story, and know how desperate I was to let the world know Lucy. I am committed to letting the world know who Lucy was, but maybe it will be what she meant to me, with all my personal issues. I will continue to put excerpts from the book on this website. There will be expanded versions of all the stories, as more will be told about how Lucy and I developed an amazing trust and belief in each other.
The rewrite will have more about my faith in God, as I didn’t really go into it in this book. And that is what Lucy really helped me realize, how much faith I have in God.
So many say Lucy was spoiled. I say all she wanted to do is make me happy, no matter. Funny thing is that if she thought I was showing off, she would not respond. If it was important, she did it. I say I had her trained, but she trained me as well. Love is a power that will always beat force..
At times when I see fear, I think of Lucy. Lucy was fading in her last few months, and she had so much courage. Here is her effort to jump just like she had done months earlier. Toward the end, she knew her time was short, and she cared more about how I was going to be without her. She was ready to go to that next plane of existence. She knew how much I loved her. Her look of love at me at the end will be etched in my mind, but she also knew it was her time. That is why I looked her in the eye and promised to tell anyone who would listen what a wonderful dog she was, and how much she will always mean to me. And I will be okay.
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